I'm a robot...

So, due to the fact that I am actually a robot, I find human emotions confusing.  Ok, only part of that is true. I don't find human emotion confusing at all.  Ok, I'm not really a robot.

I do find emotions to be confusing.  And not in the "what am I feeling about this" sense, but more in the  "am I feeling the right way and in the right amount" sense.  I didn't have a lot of good examples of "normal" growing up, so whenever I feel a way about something, I feel the need to put it out into the world to see if I'm finally starting to lose the sanity I hold so dear.

For today's emotion, I pick Anxiety.  I'm not typically an overly anxious person.  I learned early that I have very little control over what could happen, so I try not to worry about it.  Lots of things could happen, and the fact is, none of the coulds that I come up with are as likely as the one that I had no idea about.  So, I live by the "deal with it when it happens" principle.  It's a good principle in general.  I enjoy much anxiety-free time.

The problem I'm facing now is that my life is completely intertwined with someone else's. I guess that's what happens when you like get married and stuff.  And I guess the problem is not so much the intertwined lives part as the "what if something happens to that person" part.  Before the intertwining, I was all "bad things happen but I take care of myself so I'm all good (as long as nothing happens to my brother)" about life.  Now, I find that whenever Husband has to drive somewhere early in the morning (like this morning, he left at 6am to drive 2 hours to Cincinnati) or he flys out of town on business, I worry.  Part of the worry has to do with the fact that I know he drives like an idiot half the time. Seriously, Husband, if you are reading this STOP TEXTING ME WHILE YOU DRIVE.  But the other part of if is this deep down feeling that creeps up on me every so often that life is too good right now so something bad has to happen. I try to squash that feeling because I know it's dumb.  Or I think it's dumb. Or I just think feelings are dumb in general.

To level set, I don't get "curled up in a corner, rocking back and forth" paralyzed with anxiety about it.  The thought process goes something like this:
1. Husband is driving.
2. It's early, I hope he's awake enough.
3. It's really far
4. What if he gets into an accident?
5. I don't want to have to get a call from the police.
6. OMG How would I tell the kids?
7. *feeling of possible tears*
8. I'm being crazy.
9. I need coffee.
10. Mmmmm, coffee is good.

Rinse and repeat until I'm distracted by something more substantial than my desire for coffee, like work.

So,what I'm wondering is: Is this a normal amount of anxiety to feel?

Next Time: Social Situations Confuse the Robot Jenn.

Jenn - Happy Birthday, Dad. I miss you.

This shouldn't be called a blog

but rather a periodic update into random parts of my brain that may or may not be created in regular intervals.

Hmmmm...What to talk about...

Ok, so i think we are all caught up on the fact that I got married.  It was good times.

So, then at the end of November, I ended my time at Sallie Mae. Bye bye, depressing gray cubicle.  I spent a month at home, attempting to organize the chaos.  This is where I came to realize that, unless forced to for a specific reason, I can go DAYS without leaving my house and be completely fine.  Ok, so I probably already knew that but a little reminder reinforced that knowledge.

Prior to leaving my job at Sallie Mae and taking the month off, I had been tracking some opportunities for when I was done being off and ready to work again.  I knew I didn't want to go back to the depressing world of cubicles.  That limited me a bit.  But then all my wildest cubicle-free dreams came true: I got to start working at Developer Town.

DeveloperTown...
So, this place is pretty awesome.  It's a start-up that's past the "starting up" stage but before the "make millions and millions"stage.  I get to work on a bunch of different projects that involve technology from this actual decade . To learn more about what DeveloperTown does: www.developertown.com.

I would write more, but they keep me incredibly busy. I do get to bring Dakota and Lilah.

That is pretty awesome.  I don't have to feel bad about leaving them home all day all by themselves everyday. The only problem I'm seeing is that Dakota is already completely co-dependent, so this might not help that situation.  Everyone pets her and loves on her, which is her favorite.  I feel a bit like a circus act because people are always asking me to pull Lilah out of my shirt now.  I don't really mind, though.

I got my own little house, which is what DT uses for offices. Everyone who works here has their own little house.  I also got to decorate it any way I wanted.  So my little house used to look like:

and now it looks like

That's my husband lounging on the couch while I continue to work hard.  So, now i have a nice little office to do my work in and a place to take a nap in the afternoon when I'm wiped at like 3 and need 15 minutes of sleep.  The only problem with having a little house is that there is a front door and everytime someone knocks on it, Dakota gets all arf arf about it.  Crazy dog.

Let's see...in other news....

67 days until I am on a cruise ship and enjoying adult beverages while the minions run wild and hopefully don't fall overboard...
15 weeks and 2 days until I begin my journey to Tanzania to walk up a hill like a hobbit.  I may even through a ring into the volcano to get the full LOTRs experience...

That's all I got for now.

Jenn - Miles to go before I sleep...