For a WOMAN...

News Flash...

I'm kind of tired of gender. Like SUPER TIRED.   I'm probably even more tired of men telling me that I need to stick up for my gender...like I can't do that without being told to do that, but to be fair, I'm tired of EVERYONE AND ANYONE telling me what I should think.  I'm tired of awards that are specific to my gender. I'm tired of anything that forces people to choose me or care about my existence because of my gender. I'm generally tired of anything that focuses on my genetics as a reason for anything good or bad.  I cannot control my genetics anymore than anyone else. True story.

I don't want your stupid Women doing <insert pretty much anything here> award...

Lately, there have been all these Women in tech awards things that work is trying to get me nominated for. And every time I say NO.  I don't want an award for being a female. I want an award because I'm freaking awesome. And if I'm only competing against part of the competitor pool, then it's a waste of my time and basically like saying to me that I'm still not good enough to compete for real.  That is how I view it. You all can tell me how not a feminist I am or whatever it is that you want to think, but anyone who knows me knows that I think for myself. And in my mind, equal is not equal if stuff is still separate. Equal is not equal if any group is singled out. Also, if you have to encourage a specific group to do something, isn't it kind of like saying they are too weak to encourage themselves?  Like I don't encourage my boys to do anything in particular. There are too many things. I just say, do what you want and don't suck at it. And don't be a jerk to other people unless they are jerks.  It's a blanket statement that applies to everything.  No one encouraged me to do computer science. No one discouraged me from doing it. I like computers, so that's what I did. Let's encourage that.

Where does this radical thinking come from, you ask?
When I was in grammar school, we used to play kickball on the playground at recess. You know, back in a time when kids still had recess and weren't encouraged to be blobs. One of the main badges of honor was the ability to kick the ball hard enough, far enough, and high enough that it would land on the roof of the garage that was out in left-center "field". (I put "field" in quotes because it was a blacktop playground, so field is a stretch of the word).  If you could kick to the roof, you were a kickball beast and usually got picked pretty early in the team selection process. When I was 10, I didn't care about being the first, last, only, whatever girl who could kick it onto the roof. ALL I CARED ABOUT WAS BEING PICKED FIRST FOR A TEAM. So, you know what I did? I kicked the shit out of the ball. At some point, I was able to kick it onto the roof. And then I got picked first. Not because I was a girl but because I could kick that stupid ball really effing hard. Oh, I was also really good at catching it and getting people out. Sometimes, the boys would tease each other about picking a girl, because kids are stupid. But you what beats stupid? Winning.  So I was picked first. And everyone shut their pie holes because it was even more embarrassing to make fun of other people who were beating your ass at kickball.

Have there been times that I didn't get picked because I was female? Probably. Just like there have probably been times some of you have not been picked for being male, or short, or heavy, or small, or, yup, a different color. Does it suck? Sure.  Heck, I was told by the JV softball coach at the end of Sophmore year that I wasn't on varsity that year because I wasn't serious enough and told too many jokes. WTF is that? Not because I didn't have the skill or ability, but because Coach M didn't think I was funny.  One of my first consulting gigs, everyone thought I was like 12 and I had to prove that I wasn't an idiot. And you know what? It felt way better to show that I was good at stuff then to be there because they HAD to pick me or were in some way obligated to have me there. 

There have also probably been times that I've been picked because I knew someone, had a friend or showed up when no one else did. I got one consulting gig based on phone interview due to being the most enthusiastic sounding choice. I was by far not the most skilled at writing stupid boring SQL queries. I just seemed the most excited for the job.  And, yes, there have probably been times that I've gotten an opportunity because of my gender, since there weren't a lot of girls in computer science. As a white, American female, I would have been a minority in the field, especially when I was doing QA testing. The only way to fight against any of it is to be great at something. When you are great at something it makes you hard to ignore. And maybe make people laugh. That also seems to work.

So, what caused this sudden and aggressive outburst?

Dr. Who. True story.  Like everyone  is making a huge deal out of this female Dr. Who. I haven't seen it yet. I'm sure she's great and I'm looking forward to seeing how they do with the new show runner and new Dr. Who. Just like I am every time they switch Dr. Whos. It's always interesting. And since last season was a waste of my life, I'm hoping things have improved. I could care less that it's a woman, other then I'm super annoyed at how they are making it out to be this wonderful progressive thing.

Issue #1: It's not progressive to do something that is currently trendy.  If they had cast a woman Dr. Who after David Tenant or Matt Smith, that would have been fairly progressive.  Actually, it would have made WAY more sense after David Tennant since the Rose/Dr. Who story had been so emotional and it would have been a great change of pace. It would have also been interesting between Matt Smith and Peter Capaldi because River Song was still around and I bet she would have been BEAST with a female Dr. Who. It certainly would have been less awkward then watching Clara deal with the fact that her adorbs young doctor was now an old man. Peter Capaldi's Doctor Who didn't get really great until his second season (through no fault of his own. The writing was just meh for a lot of his run). I actually think it would have been more interesting to have a Doctor Who from another country other then England or Scotland. But I digress...

Issue #2: River Song, Amy Pond, Me, Clara, Missy (a.k.a. The Master), Madame Vastra and Jenny, Rose...those are just some of the super awesome and pivotal female roles that have been the heart of Doctor Who since it's reboot.  If not for Rose, the reboot might have failed. If not for Amy Pond (and Rory to be fair), we might never have been able to accept Matt Smith as the Doctor. Without Madame Vastra and Jenny, we would not have STRAX...ok, I mean, interesting characters for mystery solving. Without Clara, the fabric of reality would have been ripped apart. Without the great Me story arc, Doctor Who could not have learned just how far reaching his actions can be. And without River Song, we would not have enjoyment in our lives because she is by far one of the greatest Doctor Who characters of all time.  Like I loved David Tennent as Doctor Who, but I LOVED Alexis Kingston as River Song.  The fact is, it's always been the companions that have made Doctor Who what it is because at some level, Doctor Who is always the same. It's the companions that are truely different. So by making the fact that a female is cast as Doctor Who be the center of all things, I believe we do a HUGE disservice to all of the female characters that have actually carried the show. That's my opinion.

Issue #3: Three companions. Not since kind of early in the original series has a Doctor Who started out with 3 companions.  It's always 1, maybe 2.  Other folks will visit from time to time so that a single episode or couple of episodes will have more then 2 companions, but not in a very long time has the Doctor started out with 3 companions. So, what does that say? It says to me that, though they took a "risk" by making Doctor Who female, they are not confident enough to maintain the same format. She's a girl so she needs more companions, I guess...

My frustration with the hypocrisy of it all acted as a catalyst for me to say something. Oh and being stuck on a really long drive in the car.

Okay, okay, I'm wrapping it up...
This is the lesson I've carried throughout life: Be good at things. Do things.  Keep doing things. Do what you want to do. Don't depend on others to do it for you. Stop listening to what other people tell you what you can or cannot do.  Turns out, it doesn't matter what other people think, because the key to actually being successful at anything is the internal belief that you can do it. And the only people that will really be able to help you believe in yourself is YOU and people you trust. Not random people on tv. Or politicians. Or the news. And if something unfair happens, dust yourself off and move on. Because life will never be fair when fairness is a moving target that changes every 5 minutes.  It's an impossible goal and only sets us all up for failure. Step outside the box and refuse to let anyone else force you back into it.  That's how I see it. Feel free to disagree. I'll probably ignore you anyway :P