I want to be a bumble bee...
I’m reading a triathlon training book right now. The author talks about the bumble bee and how NASA scientists have concluded, after much study, that science shows that bumble bees can’t fly. Their wings cannot support their furry round bodies. Yet, the memo never made it to the bumble bee because they continue to fly around, pollinating their little furry butts off. The point of the bumble bee story is to show how believing that you can do something is more important than what people say you cannot do. Or something like that, I guess, since the NASA folks couldn’t actually say to the bumble bees of the world “Um, you defy physics and are therefore an impossibility. Please stop flying now.” And it’s not like they did say that and then the bumble bees ignored the naysayers and proved them wrong with their perseverance and determination and sheer will. But I think the point is that the bumble bees believe they can fly, so they just do. Although, how much do bumble bees really sit around thinking about and believing in themselves? I imagine not that much. But I digress…
I do want to be like the bumble bee, though, and just do things without thinking about how hard or impossible they might be. It’s a tough thing to do. There are so many things that I would like to do but they all feel so out of my reach.
When I was young, I didn’t imagine myself sitting in a cubicle, surrounded by oatmeal colored walls. I didn’t imagine that I would read Dilbert cartoons and think “Holy Crud, that is SO true.” Yet, here I am. I work in a cubicle, I spin my wheels, I explain the same thing over and over. I’m bored all the time. And always, I am a round peg trying to shove myself through a square hole. When I was young, I didn’t not imagine myself sitting in a cubicle, but I guess I didn’t really imagine myself doing anything because I didn’t think I would make it to adulthood. When I made it to adulthood, I was so relieved to be away from home, I spent my time just getting by. I found something that I didn’t suck at (computers) and I sort of wandered down a path. It didn’t occur to me that the path would lead to anywhere specific and that’s where I would have to stay. And always, I want to change my path, but I don’t know how to or where to start. Mostly, because I don’t know what other path I might like to try. How many paths do I get in life?
I’m in my early (almost mid) 30s now and I’m finally starting to really consider my future. I feel like I’ve finally made it past levels two and three on that stupid Hierarchy of Needs Pyramid that has so been the bane of my existence thus far. I suppose I will be around for a while, so I really should decide what it is that is important to me and what it is I want to spend my time focusing on. I feel like so much of my time is wasted. I suppose we can’t all have terribly important lives that are filled with great meaning. I think I can be ok with the fact that I will not make some great impact on the world. But I would like to have some impact on my own world and feel like I am accomplishing something that I don’t hate. I have to decide on some goals and focus on developing a plan to accomplish those goals and then really make an effort to execute those plans towards success. Except, I have no idea what sort of goals I want to accomplish that are more fulfilling than the goal to watch all three High School Musicals this weekend (which I’ve totally accomplished, btw). So, how do I get focused? What am I good at? I don’t know. I’m good at watching TV and knowing every movie and actor and actress. But that’s not really a skill.
I’ve made some big lifestyle changes in the past year or so. I quit smoking for real. I haven’t smoked in over a year. I never thought I would be able to do that. I guess I had a bumble bee moment. I started running and exercising. I can run a couple miles in a row now, so I guess that’s a new accomplishment. I have come to realize, though, that I need a real goal when it comes to exercise. A focus. Just doing it for the sake of doing it doesn’t really drive me. I need a prize or accomplishment to work towards. I have the mini in May to work towards but I’m starting to feel like I need to really start to be more focused towards it or I won’t take it seriously. I want to try triathlon. I have to keep telling myself that just because I can’t swim or bike, that I shouldn’t get discouraged. I can learn. Can I? I hope so.
So, I’m trying to identify some goals. What’s my ultimate goal? Is it Iron Man? I suppose if I could do that I would feel like I could pretty much do anything. My problem is that I don’t like doing things that I’m not good at doing. Like, um, running, biking, swimming. I know I’ll never be like a Lance or Tiger. But maybe I could be a David Wells? He was like a normal dude who occasionally did extraordinary things. I think I’d like to be that one day. A girl who spent 17 years smoking and just sitting around, then decided one day to get off her arse and be an athlete. That sounds like a good story one day.
Do I start a training blog? Will that help me be accountable for my training? Who would read it? Does it matter if it gets read? Maybe. I feel like I can’t do something if it’s just for myself. I’m not that motivated as a person. But if I blogged about it, I would feel like there were people watching and waiting to see what happens. Really? Who’s watching me or waiting for me? That sounds a bit egotistical. Apparently, I have a huge ego. Who knew?
Right now, I haven’t worked out a training plan just yet. I try to work out with weights and running and swimming like 8-10 times a week. We just got a trainer to kick our butts once a week. We start riding soon, too. I’ll have a plan put together sometime this week, I guess. For now, I suppose triathlon is my short term goal. And not loosing all my money in the stock market. But that’s a whole different animal.
I guess we’ll see how it goes.
Today, I am a bumble bee.
Jenn - What are you going to be?
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