I'm a robot...

So, due to the fact that I am actually a robot, I find human emotions confusing.  Ok, only part of that is true. I don't find human emotion confusing at all.  Ok, I'm not really a robot.

I do find emotions to be confusing.  And not in the "what am I feeling about this" sense, but more in the  "am I feeling the right way and in the right amount" sense.  I didn't have a lot of good examples of "normal" growing up, so whenever I feel a way about something, I feel the need to put it out into the world to see if I'm finally starting to lose the sanity I hold so dear.

For today's emotion, I pick Anxiety.  I'm not typically an overly anxious person.  I learned early that I have very little control over what could happen, so I try not to worry about it.  Lots of things could happen, and the fact is, none of the coulds that I come up with are as likely as the one that I had no idea about.  So, I live by the "deal with it when it happens" principle.  It's a good principle in general.  I enjoy much anxiety-free time.

The problem I'm facing now is that my life is completely intertwined with someone else's. I guess that's what happens when you like get married and stuff.  And I guess the problem is not so much the intertwined lives part as the "what if something happens to that person" part.  Before the intertwining, I was all "bad things happen but I take care of myself so I'm all good (as long as nothing happens to my brother)" about life.  Now, I find that whenever Husband has to drive somewhere early in the morning (like this morning, he left at 6am to drive 2 hours to Cincinnati) or he flys out of town on business, I worry.  Part of the worry has to do with the fact that I know he drives like an idiot half the time. Seriously, Husband, if you are reading this STOP TEXTING ME WHILE YOU DRIVE.  But the other part of if is this deep down feeling that creeps up on me every so often that life is too good right now so something bad has to happen. I try to squash that feeling because I know it's dumb.  Or I think it's dumb. Or I just think feelings are dumb in general.

To level set, I don't get "curled up in a corner, rocking back and forth" paralyzed with anxiety about it.  The thought process goes something like this:
1. Husband is driving.
2. It's early, I hope he's awake enough.
3. It's really far
4. What if he gets into an accident?
5. I don't want to have to get a call from the police.
6. OMG How would I tell the kids?
7. *feeling of possible tears*
8. I'm being crazy.
9. I need coffee.
10. Mmmmm, coffee is good.

Rinse and repeat until I'm distracted by something more substantial than my desire for coffee, like work.

So,what I'm wondering is: Is this a normal amount of anxiety to feel?

Next Time: Social Situations Confuse the Robot Jenn.

Jenn - Happy Birthday, Dad. I miss you.