Quote of the Day: "I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem." - Dilbert
Picture of the Day #9: The Garden has veggies in it! Maybe a little too close together...
Picture of the Day #8: The Medal!!!
Picture of the Day #10: It's been one of those days...
So I guess I'll talk Idol...
I don't even know what the theme was. It was like inspirational songs and then Lady Gaga showed up out of nowhere without any pants on and i was all sorts of confused. James sung that song from Glee, Scotty and that Country Girl are bigger puritans than I realized and sang...country music, and Haley is actually the only one that I want to win. Even if the judges like to yell at her for no reason while they drool all over the sucky ones. Except Steven Tyler, who decided to reclaim his balls at some point and stand up for Haley. But that was probably cause he wants in her pants (not that he could fit in there since they were painted on). Remember when Idol was an hour and all four people managed to sing 2 songs in that hour? And now every freaking episode is like an hour and a half. And they dress 16-year-olds like Angela on Who's the Boss? James is also becoming sooooo gimmicky. And now I'm bored....
May 12, 1989...
I don't know why I'm thinking about it so much this year. It's been 22 years. That's a lot of years. Like 2/3rds of my life without my dad. How long is a person supposed to morn the loss of a loved one? I mean, it's not like I'm sad every day about it. But sometimes I think about it and it just sort of makes me sad. I don't know. I haven't spoken to my mother in like 8 months or something. Not for Thanksgiving, Christmas or Mother's Day. Maybe because I feel guilty about that, it gets me thinking about other stuff that I wish could be different. I know it's selfish of me to cut her off. She's just done too much, been too crazy. I have a sort of peaceful, drama free life going on right now and I just want to keep it that way for a while. There is no such thing as peaceful or drama free when it comes to my mother. But I digress. The point is that I still miss my dad, after all these years. And some times it bums me out. And I hope that's an ok way to feel about things and that I'm not just holding onto something I should have let go of a long time ago. I've grown out of the thinking that he's in secret witness protection and that the cancer was just a cover up and that he would show up one day. That was the childish thought of a child and I know what's real and what's made up. But I do miss him and can't help but wish sometimes that I had known him when I was grown. And I wonder what he would think of me and of who I am. I have to assume these are normal feelings that I have about the matter, since I'm not really sure what normal means anyway and I have a raging desire to be normal. At least sometimes. I don't know. I just miss him.
Since I'm going down memory lane anyway, I figured I'd look up May 12 in my Xanga blog for the 7 years I've had the blog. The following is a list of blogs that were written on or near the date in this strange chronicle of my life:
2008: It's been a while...
2007: My Chemical Spiderman...
2005: Live from Lost..
2004: Sadpants...
It's always fun and strange to go back in time in my blog. I read things from years ago and there are so many ways that things change and then go back and change again. And some things stay exactly the same or change profoundly. And that whole blog is like a 7 year chronicle of my ADD mind, jumping all over the place, watching my moods swing back and forth, reading my brain jump around from topic to topic. For some reason having a blog makes me feel better then just writing in a journal. I guess it's my need for attention or just a need to know that I'm not the only nut hanging from the tree. Anyway, I'm waxing sentimental it would seem, so it's probably about that time to sleep.
Jenn - I love you, dad.
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